months ago i read a post here that boomed me mentally so i stopped visiting but now i am over it. what's good 😅

    i have no clue where i am. place seems dead
    internet is a wasteland
    bored out of my fucking mind as a neet. nothing to do, nothing to say. anhedonia and ennui

    feel intoxicated. powerless to escape being a hikikomori. thoughts feel like they are smattering psychodrivel

    any productive thought i have soon turns to stone. last week, i thought about manipulating my hormonal secretions (in confluence with momentary autogynephilic bursts) to indirectly increase my willpower (a proxy variable). it worked for a week, yet thereafter became useless to me. it's hard to maintain a diet and routine predicated on transforming arousal into productivity.

    i wonder how things will be in a month or two

    i've come across certain ideas during certain schizoanalytic episodes. i'm not sure if i can really handle the full implications of them, since they are, in large part, far too sophisticated for my own mind to even fully comprehend. i really wish someone would take the reins of my own thoughts. i don't even know where to begin at this point
    i wonder if they contain any value at all, even

      working i really wish someone would take the reins of my own thoughts

      hmm, what do you mean by this?

          working Heya mate, care to talk? As someone who suffers from a psychotic disorder, I've been in a similar place myself. I'd be real happy if we got to chat.

            malmon I often have this feeling. Especially as of recent, I've been wondering what life would resemble if I were a bit more obedient, a bit more incurious. Felt even the slightest shred of joy in "sticking to the script". Instead, every moment is a desperate bid to make sense of their experience in the world. A wild pendulum between existential sorrow, and meaningful happiness.

            I want off Mr. Sartre's wild ride.

              I wonder if there is a way to repopulate this place... @clare have you ever thought about trying?