feel intoxicated. powerless to escape being a hikikomori. thoughts feel like they are smattering psychodrivel
any productive thought i have soon turns to stone. last week, i thought about manipulating my hormonal secretions (in confluence with momentary autogynephilic bursts) to indirectly increase my willpower (a proxy variable). it worked for a week, yet thereafter became useless to me. it's hard to maintain a diet and routine predicated on transforming arousal into productivity.
i wonder how things will be in a month or two