I'd been having those awful, awful nightmares again this week... I deal with intrusive thoughts all the time, but these ones constantly insisted that I was going to die, and for some reason, that affected me. Specifically, that I was going to die alone, depressed, and penniless. Fun stuff, aye? >_<'

Tonight, I'm going to try my hardest to think happy thoughts... Things are gonna he okay, I feel.... <3

Lawly wrote

Dreamt that I was out drinking and having fun.
Maybe I should reconsider my teetotaling ways. 

Someday.

You know, I reckon it might not hurt, love... You'll have plenty of time to reinvent yourself after this pandemic, I'm sure... ^_^

a year later

There was a series of dream incidents that cropped up on me one after the other, something about the impending rise of a moon that is soaked red, full, and bright. Night sky and everything in its glow also red. It told me of six possible seals that could unleash the wrath of an angry moon.

The first described to me was a tragic loss will happen and a discovery shouldn't be made at sunrise. This would mean that a dearly close one will be gone from the world and shouldn't be found whilst the sun is rising. Unfortunately, as early as the first day of the invasion, after being thrown off into some alley with the beautiful sun clearly shown rising, the dispatcher radios in that there is in fact a discovery, and the first seal was destined to pass. The second then shows a meeting place where all three clans are about ready to embolden ties once more and agree to stop making arguments, however, it says that a high-profile meeting should not occur at the coming of fate. Since the clans are simply no less than barbaric, yet honorable seekers of justice against injustice, S.W.A.T. teams and the whole department descended on them, thwarting the meeting, but eventually driven off unlike anything they ever seen, and thus the second seal was destined to pass.

The third describes a rather eerie scenario that befits the countryside arc, an emigration will take place, which shows me being taken all the way to some remote town near a mountain, and fast forwarding to the part where the real emigration to the next major city to start anew is how the third seal will pass. The fourth describes a series of alien-hunting missions to find the missing relic that is the catalyst of the invasion long kept secret by the military along with a prototype power armor that is cutting-edge beyond imagination that not even standard Kevlar vests could hope to withstand against, and a $60 million portable vehicle. By taking all three of these things, the secret military base will be shut down completely, relieving the general public throughout the country of ever having to tell the same stories about it ever again, the fourth seal comes to pass.

The fifth seal describes the raid on a carrier near the bay with the intent on soaring "the spiteful hydra" against three other hydras, the Cerberus Squad. On the way to the carrier, the bottom of the sky will turn red as a forewarning of the final seal amid a thunderstorm. Once the Cerberus Squad is down, along with the flotilla of spy ships, the fifth seal then is passed.

And finally, the sixth seal foretells a mass rebellion and full-scale attack against authority when the moon phase is full, the prophecy then goes full circle, the aforementioned blood-soaked moon, red water reflection, night sky turning eerie red, people losing all of their humanity to fight against corrupt authorities, uniting themselves against corruption, and if I'm somehow unlucky enough to treat them very badly will also unite themselves to take me out too with no chance of hospitalization, because public buildings can't operate normally if there's so much as a state of emergency. And not to forget that the prophecy itself also involves some punishment should too much of embracing death or closing of slammers occur before fulfillment that I'll never be deemed chosen ever again. These are six separate dreams on six different nights.

The next dream after the foretelling then puts me on Day 1, the beginning of the prophecy, and already about to set out on the journey, the first seal was already passed. I was expecting everything to be just normal. Clear skies, the sun is shining, vehicles and birds chirping, etc. Despite the obvious air quality degradation, I was reminded that a close one of mine has passed, so I head for the source of the passing, and although no such discovery is found, the historical memories started flashing back at me, of all the things good and bad in rapid succession. Then I heard some footsteps from the kitchen, and was about ready to defend myself but instead greeted warmly with a bit of happiness and then sadness. Not realizing that this is something much bigger than just a single death, but unaware if I should take it so seriously, I should head over to the cemetery for the processing, but came way too late and my ignorance of the dead is a grave disrespect to my clan.

If I wanted to redeem myself, I should find its killer and bring my close one some much needed peace in the afterlife, but no sooner than taking my eyes off at the impending danger about to unfold before me a hostile clan sworn to destroy about to take potshots at us, so we took cover and dashed about the wealthy districts in anything less than a durable four-door car, rather on something that is eco-friendly and familiar. I expected a bit of road rage coming from behind in a relentless attempt to get on top of me personally as if I'm their highest priority target, a hit perhaps. So, I dodged as best I could through many back alleys and shortcuts I never even knew existed until they finally give themselves up because they ran out of fuel. Suffice to say, there's going to be a lot of work to do to get my clan back up to strength, and I'm finally able to get inside the two-story house to see if I can get my hands on an AE1 upstairs and start looking out for potential waves of invaders trying to infect the general population without getting myself infected in the process. Then it ends the dream from there.

The last dream as of now was from last night is me getting further into delving deep into the mysterious phenomenon behind the invasion, working with various contacts that would take me days to find more clues and capturing more invaders with my trusty AE1 before realizing I'm nearly out of film roll and have to scavenge for more. By that time, various clans all over the city vie for control and I have to step in to shed blood on our rivals, which isn't really going to help me solving out the invasion peacefully, as more dead bodies means a speedier path to seeing the dreaded blood moon. The more societal harm I cause, the more punishing the consequences, as well as tighter safeguards from local authorities. Since I'm not meant to be that bloodthirsty even in the dream, I would try alternative methods that would still lead to dead bodies, but not having me as the culprit. And with that, my clan leader became happy enough with my creative efforts I'm ready to meet them up with two other clans to pipe down on the blood feuds and rekindle ties, but not before the second seal comes to passing God forbid, and we fought with tooth and nail just to live another day. And so, that concludes my series of dreams.

a year later

Man, I have the craziest of dreams, sometimes. Just now, I woke up from one where two pairs of nineteenth century chocolate teamsters (from rival companies) developed a rivalry while crossing west to east of the US, and got into all sorts of witty banter and stuff with each other, and tried to sabotage each other. Notably, they'd give each other samples of the other's product, to be impressed by.

    a month later

    Even though I know next to nothing about Touhou, my mind filled in the details sufficiently enough to render a 30-second long OP for an anime starring Cirno and friends. Complete with instrumental piano music, title card, western licensor, and fandom in-joke.

    ... EVERYTHING IS JULY!!

    I can't remember much of what I dreamt last night, but whatever it was, it sort of took me back to my uni days of playing airsoft. Essentially, I was in an outdoor forested war zone, confined to a rather small area, typical of airsoft.

    I had a pistol, AR, and sniper rifle, none of which I could name or recognise now.

    The main difference from ordinary airsoft, however, was that the guns were deadly. The spirit of the game didn't change much though, as if we were just shooting BBs. So there wasn't really any pain, or sense of finality you have with death, even though people definitely did die. Eventually my team lost, but we were spared as a buddy and I sat against a pillar while the enemy horde carried on. It's not that we weren't spotted, but it's considered bad sportsmanship to shoot someone point blank.

      4 months later

      malmon This reminded me of a dream where I died but unlike yours I did feel very much like it was death, like it was IT.
      In the dream I killed a bully that had tormented me for years (in the dream storyline that is, because no such bully exists irl). As soon as I killed the bully I got surrounded by cops that seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I remember thinking it was so unfair that the bully could torment me without punishment but that as soon as I had defended myself the cops came for me.
      A stern looking female officer walked up to me with a strong air of confidence and authority and injected me with something without even speaking to me or looking at my face. I asked what it was and she said "It's a lethal injection". And then I felt a strong feeling impending doom and the borders of my vision began to blacken, my body started to feel "weird" and I knew I was about to die. Then I woke up all sweaty and nervous.

          tomadoi I remember thinking it was so unfair that the bully could torment me without punishment but that as soon as I had defended myself the cops came for me.

          This definitely feels relatable. Not that I was ever really much of the fighting back type, but whenever I did something bad, it was a big deal, whereas the kids that were constantly messing shit up were given a pass because it was just expected.

          tomadoi I asked what it was and she said "It's a lethal injection". And then I felt a strong feeling impending doom and the borders of my vision began to blacken, my body started to feel "weird" and I knew I was about to die. Then I woke up all sweaty and nervous.

          That is a scary amount of detail. One of those times where waking up all sweaty is the best feeling in the world.

              malmon

              >That is a scary amount of detail. One of those times where waking up all sweaty is the best feeling in the world.
              YEAH. I'm like 98.738% sure that this is the way it feels to respawn. You can feel yourself dying. You're dead.
              And then you're at some random "starting point" like nothing happened.

                  tomadoi

                  Respawn... Have you ever heard of quantum immortality? Not directly related to your dream, or dreams in general, and it is a pretty crazy theory, but it makes ya wonder sometimes.

                      tomadoi There's no end of theories about death that might cause anxiety lol. Ever played or watched Corpse Party?

                          malmon I played a bit maaaaany years ago but I could play it again. I was playing yume nikki for the first time like just an hour ago.

                              tomadoi I was reminded of the concept of feeling the pain you felt at death for all eternity. Also a scary one~

                              People keep recommending yume nikki, but I'm too scared to play horror >~>

                                  malmon so far I've had a very comfy experience with it but I haven't played it that much and... yeah
                                  there's a lot of terrifying afterlife concepts. At least the one you mentioned beats hell.

                                      tomadoi At least the one you mentioned beats hell.

                                      I'm not sure anyone could tell for certain. It would probably also depend on the circumnstances of your death.

                                          malmon Imagine having one of those extremely drawn-out unusual gruesome and cruel deaths and then eternity is just that over and over, mein gott
                                          oh well we don't know anyway. I feel bizarrely more afraid of nothingness. Maybe the buddhists had it right and there's nothing that scares us more than letting go of our senses of self.

                                              tomadoi Is nothingness that much to be afraid of? Like, what is nothingness? Might it not just feel like the time between you falling asleep and waking up, but without dreams in between?

                                                I keep having the most incredible dreams. Like a few days ago, I dreamt there was an "Italian Food Universe" on YouTube, wherein people reviewed sandwiches and stuff from pizza joints and the like. Sounds mouth-watering, tbh.