Monkey's Paw Thread

bpseudopod

The user above you will make a wish. Your job is to corrupt it into something horrible, then steal their wish mojo to make your own wish.

Example:

User 1 wrote:
I wish I had a bottomless gallon of ice cream.

User 2 wrote:
Wish granted, but it's literally bottomless.

I wish I had a magic pocketwatch that could stop time.

Apophany

You become obsessed with using it and cause yourself to age faster than everyone around you and die many years before your loved ones. I'm sorry &t ; _ ;

I wish to be a real girl. A pretty one.

Backlash

Granted! And indeed, you're very pretty. Unfortunately, you still don't think you're pretty, which leads to the world's most stubborn case of Ugly Duckling Syndrome.

I wish I had more time to play Overwatch.

LucianDreamer

My friend, your wish is granted, but then eventually you'll ignore your basic needs and your brain shuts you down.

"My wish is to protect my world against entropy!"

All in One

The world is protected from entropy but the rest of the universe eventually succumbs to it. In the inky void that once was only the Earth remains.

I wish I could see a day into the future.

Backlash

Granted! Unfortunately, you get to see it through the perspective an ant, which might make gaming the stock market somewhat of a challenge.

I wish I could be best buds with a polar bear.

LucianDreamer

Backlash wrote:
I wish I could be best buds with a polar bear.

Wish accepted. Ironically, as with any bear species, they don't deserve to be your best friend, thinks you're their meal, and pounces on you.

Ok, then: "I wish I want to spend more time with my waifu Lucia."

Steph

LucianDreamer wrote:
Backlash wrote:
I wish I could be best buds with a polar bear.

Wish accepted. Ironically, as with any bear species, they don't deserve to be your best friend, thinks you're their meal, and pounces on you.

Ok, then: "I wish I want to spend more time with my waifu Lucia."

You meet her, she touches you accidentally, you die.

I wish I could focus on my exam revision.

LucianDreamer

Wish granted, but then you start to forget remembering what you studied, your writing hand trembles filling the wrong circles, and given an F at the end.

"I wish I can win the Circuit de la Sarthe."

L1nk

Wish granted, but then you lose all motor function to your legs.

I wish I can project my thoughts via monitor

All in One

Good news: whatever you think of will be projected onto your monitor. Bad news: whatever you think of will be projected onto anyone's monitor.

I wish that I could read whole books in an instant.

Hamza

Wish granted but you only remember what you read for a few minutes before you forget entirely.

I wish I was smart.

LucianDreamer

Your wish is granted, but the A.I. automatically knows your every move, pickup, and the layout from the start in an FPS game, even on lower difficulty. In the end, you most certainly lose. 🙁

Special wish: I want to become a battleship girl named Himawari! (it means Sunflower in Japanese)

Hamza

Wish granted but on your first ever mission, you die.

I wish I could never forget what I learn.

Backlash

Hamza wrote:
Wish granted but on your first ever mission, you die.

I wish I could never forget what I learn.

Granted! Unfortunately, someday you see/experience something you'd very much like to forget, but can't. And those eternal memories haunt you for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a sandwich.

malmon

Granted! Except you are now completely incapable of ever wearing any clothes again.

I wish I could pass all my exams well.

Hamza

Wish granted but no matter how much you want to stay, you are still automatically teleported to your bed incapable of leaving it until you sleep thus missing important moments in life.

I wish I had fast internet.

kapitanluffy

Wish granted but net neutrality is abolished and you can only access a few selected sites and pay your ISP to access normal sites like youtube.

I wish I can eat all the food I want.

LucianDreamer

Wish granted, but then you suddenly stopped eating midway through the eating contest and pass out on the floor, resulting in a disqualification.

I wish I could have lucid dreams.

All in One

Wish granted, but you are never able to sleep again.

I wish I could be born into the space faring age.