I'm gonna put all of this in a spoiler box because hey, tl;dr right?
I guess some things never change.
[spoiler]
If I were to be honest, I first joined lewd because I was jealous of Lokorfi's friends. I wanted to spend more time with him, know more about him and over all, I wanted to be his friend. So when he invited me to join Lewd.sx, the place where his friends were, I was over the moon- I was struck with happiness. So of course, I took up the offer although to this day, (until he sees this post) he isn't aware of my ulterior motives.
So now you know how my first and final membership of a forum came to be.
Basically, I was the jealous Jeb I've always been.
When I first joined, I was panicking over how my introduction would be.
"Ah- I don't want to look too much like a scrub!"
"Oh no, I sound too formal."
"Aaaaa--- this is going on too long! D:"
They were all thoughts circulating in my mind.
So to keep up tradition, I decided to make this post long too. I guess, in a sense it's to mock.
Yeah, Jeb is a bit of a jerk.
I've had my hardships in life and because of the things that happened when I was little, I have the inability to understand basic human emotions. It's inherited by my mother that was abused, and my father that's a little bit of a nutter.
I have the physical inability to understand how people think, act and I cannot relate to people.
I show signs of antisocial disorder, though it's not diagnosed. I have severe bipolar and anxiety.
I'm a genetic mess.
Because of everything that's scarred my brain, I grew up analyzing peoples actions, mimicking them and using them to my advantage. I'm a living mask.
Behind this mask is this indescribable sadness, like a void mixed with negative thoughts- whether unhealthy as in destruction to those who hurt me, or to myself. I scare myself.
So in a sense, I'm glad that I quit while I did.
I lived the life of a Jebbika I always wanted to be. I had fun, forgot about my negative sense and felt real happiness.
All of you experienced me feel my peak of happiness, even though it was short lived.
You all said I was kind, innocent, pure...
Sorry to ruin your expectations. ^-^
In the end, I'm a little bit of a nutter.
But enough about me, let's talk about Lewd.
I had fun. Lewd was great! Every day I looked forward to coming home and talking to so many people, share my love for anime qts and music. I'm sure others felt like that too.
So, to those whom are still having fun in their not-so-little-anymore family, good for you! I'm glad. I wish you the best.
Unfortunately, I quit because there was no more reason for me to be around anymore. Lokorfi left, my original reason for being here and then I began to get harassed by other members (whether it was directly or not). I had so many things going on at the time, to the point where I slowly drifted away from home.
New members didn't even know my name.
And man, that really hurt. ^-^
[/spoiler]
My thank you's are in a spoiler box.
tl;dr
[spoiler]
I have my regrets about leaving, as it will damage relationships I have with the people I know today.
@Nanashi, sh--- he is an amazing person, and while they had their faults and stumbles through-out the (sadly) short lived time I spent here, s- he was a great friend. Honestly, every time they even said hello, or hi to me it brought this stupid smile to my face.
That distracted me from everything that's happened, so thank you.
@Rii oh Rii oh Rii. You're blunt, I'll give you that. You've also made your share of mistakes. But even so, no matter what corner I turned, it seemed that you were always there to pat me on the back and cheer me up. For that, I thank you.
It saved me from sinking into insanity several times.
@[deleted] I love you qt--- in a platonic way.
Nothing more to say. You're a stupid baka that's really cool and funny and makes me smile and-
@Senpai, thanks Onii-chan. I had fun.
@Lokorfi, Thank you for everything.
Aa- I've missed so many people and I can't continue this or it will go on forever.
But if I've talked to you, laughed with you, smiled with you then without a doubt, thank you too.
Because I definitely enjoyed my time with you.
[/spoiler]
So, let's rejoice. I had fun, to say the least. This will be a major happy memory of mine.
Honestly, thank you all.
Really, thank you.
But before I go...
@Senpai, is this really the Lewd you wanted?
nah I'm jks
ily bby <3