It was pretty late and I was down and out as usual, about 10 drinks in and walking downwards quickly. I saw a man who looked desparate, a easy mark for my lust. Shooting a devilish look his way I sat close 'accidently' using his lap as a pivot point. Not looking for sex but rather what he sorta experience he could give me.
"I'm a cheap date, I drink shitty beer", half yelling half whispering into his ear over the music.
It worked. Two more drinks pumped into me in order to take advantage of my realatively young flesh. I let him lead me to a booth. Hands grooping I laughed at his attempt for humanly contact. A souless laugh the sorta thing you hear outta something representing the last death rattles of their empathy.
Here I was, inhebrieted once again unable to truly feel one way or the other. Staring at the ceiling I imagined I saw the memories I had convinced myself I removed. The constellations expressing the days that lead to the meaningless thing I had become. It wasnt working, and he kept trying to kiss me. The breath that ran up my nostrils caused shivers to run down my spine. The odor reminding me I wasnt real. Only moving cause I had learned how. Whiskey, cheap ciggeretes and the faint musk that only comes from unspeakables, on my lips, on my neck.
"You are too eager", I laughed trying to cover up that I was actually crying.
Pushed him off me with no regard for who he was or how he felt. As I pushed my hand up against his chest I could feel his heart sink, the look of self hate in his eyes at my rejection. Quickly churning in his stomach, the special hate became the bile in his mouth.
"Fucking slut", I heard him mumble.
Stumbling out. I collapsed on the sidewalk. No where else to go. I fell asleep, feeling the hands all over me, that werent actually there. Feeling the fear inside me that had died so long ago. None of this was real, just as I wasnt really real at that very moment, just a actor playing a roll waiting for my chance at my groundbreaking monolouge.
